I know some of you follow me because of a particular someone. I do not mind. What I do mind are the (related) questions and the, sometimes, insensitive comments. 

I prefer to ignore all of it mainly because I respect an individual’s right to privacy no matter what and I do not feel that any of you are entitled to know everything about me (and when I say me I mean to include the other person as well aka the one you are really interested in). 

One thing I will clear up and that might sound quite childish to most (after such crazy questions and accusations and berating) is this:

Kiefer The Beagle is “MY” dog. Always have been. Him and I have shared a life together since he was 3 months of age. 

I can’t even believe I even have to dignify such nonsensical questions with an answer. Having to claim my own doggy partner as my own. 

Seriously, think about what you are asking me before hitting send. Maybe some of you mean well and just want to touch base with another person via tumblr and that is perfectly fine. Please, say hello if you’d like. But know that i will NEVER discuss my private life or that other person’s private life. I am not concerned, nor am I entitled as well, to comment on what’s going on in other people’s lives, no matter the connection. 

Thank you all for your understanding and continue to reblog grumpy cat, 

I love that fucking guy!

I will get up

Woke up in cat piss again.
Sometimes I wonder why I am.single.

Indochine - La Guerre Est Finie (my favourite Indochine song!)

This is where you find out I’m actually crazy. 

At the age of 13 I bought myself a tape cassette of Indochine’s “Un Jour Dans Notre Vie”… I was OBSESSED with it and would listen to it over and over again for hours… flipping the tape and never skipping a song. I had long known about this band and had always liked their music but this album KILLED it. Even now, listening to it on my ipod, I feel the same way about it. It’s an excellent record. 

I have always been a big time day dreamer and music has never failed to be the main trigger of my craziest and most loving delusions. With discovering this album I also discovered the band’s singer (obviously), Nicola Sirkis, and fell madly in fan love with him. 

(this is where it gets weird for you)

I wrote a 3 part fan fiction story using him as the main protagonist where I would travel back in time to when he was a teenager himself (I, 13, him 16) and we’d hopefully fall for each other. I say hopelessly because at some point I knew I had to return to the future and that we’d both have to be heartbroken and that he might also get real freaked out about the fact that I was from the future… So we’d break things off and I would come back to “the future” and he’d live his life and he would then go on to write all of Indochine’s love songs with me in mind. I believe that, at some point, in my “time”, after he had become and adult and famous french rockstar, we’d meet again and weren’t able to deny that we were soul mates but couldn’t renew our love because he was in his 30s and I, 13. 

WHAT A CRUSHING TALE OF PSYCHO. 

Yup. 

Nicola Sirkis, my first celebrity crush. 

PS: this song is NOT from Un Jour Dans Notre Vie, it’s a previously unreleased tracked that was featured on their greatest hits album Birthday Album only. 

Oh god, I wish I could explain why this is particularly funny to me. Oh wait, I will. 

I was a strip-club DJ for 3 years. Strippers love DJ Khaled. Even after all these years, I find his “music” hilarious. (yup, as in female DJ in a female strip club)

Also, my ex and I used to shout out DJ Khaled on random non Dj Khaled songs… humm I don’t know, like during a Moldy Peaches song for example. Makes every track a HIT.

DJ KHALED 4EVAH

(via so-relatable)

I’ve been strangely lethargic and lazy. I have been so busy that once home I just cannot seem to keep my eyes open long enough to be productive. Those who know me would be astounded, shocked, at the current state of my apartment (PS: my sink is full of dishes and there’s dust everywhere… let’s not even talk about my sheets and towels). I am out of breath exhausted. I can’t help but to feel scared of this mind numbing routine that makes me realize just how little people can accomplish with their own selves when stuck in such a tight-nit schedule. Big visions and big words become just that, big visions and words. Nothing more. 

Reality is troubling. 

But right now, I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I am much happier with my new situation, I have a fabulous apartment and I am on my way back to school (officially). I am also planning my first real “lazy” vacation, the Cayman Islands no less. I am broke this week but it is mainly due to poor management of my weekly funds, this month. 

I never thought I’d move on. I did. And I am moving even further. 

So even with my tired eyes and mind, I am grateful and I embrace this energy sucking schedule and routine. 

I also realize that I am amongst the very few who’s managed to get two jobs that I am comfortable and happy with… and I also have the luxury of living alone, with my doggie and kitty. 

BAM. It ain’t half that bad.

But also helps builds more anger due to the incredibly unregulated content found on the internet. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, mind you. 

I walk my dog on the right hand side. It’s my stronger side. But sometimes on the sidewalks he’ll go sniff on the left side instead of having the option of barely sniffing anything on the right hand side aka the street side. 

So here I am, walking Kiefer on the left side and barely occupying any room on the sidewalk so to let other pedestrians walk by. No one’s on this leg of the sidewalk but this one guy… he walks up on the left side… remains on the left side… sees me slide even more to the left, almost on the snow banks, so to let him pass me by. He remains on his walking path. Until we come to a standing face to face. NO SHIT. (By the way, this is NOT the first time it’s happened to me) I then tell him “would you mind moving around? I have my dog and he’s all the way up there, it’s illogical”. He stares me in the face and stands still like we’re in some sort of old western fucking duel. So I go off and say “wow, really? You’re just gonna stand there? That’s mature”. He eventually moved around and I continued to belittle his ignorant behavior by calling him a dickwad. All while walking away he turns around and says something to me in broken english and calls me all sorts of french quebecois shit (in english) about me being “english”… Irony in pure form… So i retort in french and tell him to fucking come back so he can say this shit to my face (yeah, I’m real tough like that)… He comes back and and proceeds to “educate” me on the rules of the sidewalk. 

Sir, I agree with you… but I would only agree when the side walk is packed… It is practical and logical to have two very distinct and uncrossing walking directions so that the flow is kept up and nobody starts bitching. BUT we were alone and you saw me coming from far away (So did I, hence why I moved even further over the left side edge so to not trouble your “walking”). 

YOu are certainly well versed in the rules of street walking but you lack education in human interaction and respect. 

While we were “chatting” my dog jumped up a tiny bit at him (he was on leash, tightly around my wrist with barely any room to spare)… this genius, this street educated ignorant french quebecois asshole KICKED my dog. So I stopped, smiled and said “did you just kick my dog?”… to which he replied “If he jumps up at me again I will bash his head with my steeled toe boots”…

My dog has never bit anyone, never did anything to anyone… he’s a tad jumpy when he meets new people, he wants you to pet him… this guy KICKED HIM. 

He then cowardly walked away as I was fuming and vomiting insults in his direction about how fucked in the head you have to be to display such vile behavior. 

I wanted to punch him. I still do. I did not. I am pretty sure he would’ve given it to my dog instead of me and that, I cannot let happen. I am choosing to blog instead. 

I hope he goes home, or to work, and tells this story to his pals and his girlfriend/hand and I hope he can judge his behavior by the looks and comments his peers/hand will make in regards to this situation. Because no one can possibly take this guy’s side. No one can possibly think what he did was justifiable. 

I know there are more outrageous issues going on on the planet right now, but this is mine, today. 

I feel a cold coming on. 

The humidity levels in my new pad are sky high. That, even before the ceiling in my bedroom collapsed last Monday. Yeah, you heard me. The heavy snow on the roof, the fact that this triplex is over 50 years old and that there are no signs of any insolation at all between ceiling and roof creating a humid mess has managed to do irreversible structural damage to the building. 

I’ve since moved my mattress to the living room. The view is much finer. I see church bells and the buildings on St-Joseph look incredible during snow falls. 

I’ve grown surprisingly accustomed to sub-par living situations in my years of living as an illegal alien down in the good old US of A… (BAM! That’s right youz guys… stolen your jobs and makin’ mah monayz) I like to look back at the last apartment I had in the rural Philadelphia area and remind myself that it can’t be as bad as THAT place. I adored that shit hole. Why? Because it was mine, mine alone. No roommates and an all inclusive rent. I had also managed to get internet connection, on my own, as well as my own cell phone bill. That’s a feat my friends.USA USA USA!

That specific flat was atop a hoagie (sub/sandwich) shop AND a gun shop. My neighbors were a bunch of illegals as well but from the south. They were loud and made me fear doing my laundry in what became known to my friends and family as the “rape trap”… an NYC style metal trap door that lead to the basement. I carried my tazer at all times. 

I remember clearly when this fear of laundry started. It was all fueled by doing laundry while reading Cormac McCarthy’s The Road and arriving at the passage where the protagonist and his son stumble on a property and find a similar kind of metal door in the ground… Upon opening it they found a bunch of scared, skinny people that had been locked in and were being saved to be used as food for the “bad guys”. Yeah, That’s why I started taking my tazer with me because, quite frankly, the dudes next door might have been rowdy and have had terrible taste in music but they were nice guys. 

The kitchen in that apartment also didn’t have any drawers… I kept my utensils in a plastic case on the table. The shower was built for, what I can only presume, fat midgets. It was so roomy that I had my entire shower caddy (on wheels) INSIDE the shower itself… but I’d have to bend my knees to wash my hair. I also had a system when it came to water temperature. It started warm, then would go cold then scolding hot. So I’d do basics… then shave, then rejoice in burning my flesh for 10 minutes after freezing for 10. 

My oven was build for Barbies. It was so small and only had 2 working burners. My fridge had one of those “you need to thaw me every few weeks” kinda freezer and the temperature inside the fridge was chilly at best. I remember once going shopping at this awesome asian market where I bought all sorts of frozen vegetarian goodies and had to keep them in a cooler that i had a rope attached at the handle and left out on the roof outside my front window. I bet it was a real puzzling sight for cars passing by on 309. GHETTO FAB YALLZ!

So whenever I have any complaints about my living quarters I remind myself of that very special little apartment. Where the living room was like a large hall and the kitchen like a decent sized bathroom. I think of that place and remember how happy I was to have my OWN place in a strange country after years of struggling with roommates and having moved 9 times in 3 years. 

The only difference now is that since I am a legal citizen in my own country I can complain and ask for rent reduction for this stupid shit and not fear repercussion. 

Next step, well fare! ATTICA! 

I am in the midst of moving to my fabulous new pad and will not be able to post much in the up coming week (basically about as much as in the last couple weeks, as I have been tremendously busy). 

But I do scroll down the tumblr app once in a while, whilst in bed half asleep… So expect reblogs nonetheless. 

In the meantime hope all youz had a great christmas/festivus/whatever the hell you celebrate… and Happy New Year! 

if any of you sent good vibes/thoughts my way (or even if i do believe in that) but I did get the new flat. 

it’s absolutely amazing. cheap. convenient. bigger. better. a little less central but in an even better spot (if that’s even possible… oh wait, it is)… walking distance from L’Esco… YUS

I am so super happy about this. new job. new pad. school starting soon. it’s a whole new life. 

The oh so negative side of me is vibrant and constant. 

Please send me good vibes and good thoughts as I am set to sign the lease to the most perfect (cheap and extremely, conveniently located) apartment today. It took well over 2 weeks to get through the process and get accepted and somehow, because it is all so good to be true, I feel like i will get screwed. Like no pets allowed even though the girl who I am subletting the place from has assured me on many occasions that they were in deed allowed ( I asked if it was on the lease, yes… also if other neighbors had pets, yes…) but she’s lived there for 3 years and things might have changed and I am unsure if she’s checked with the rental agency about this fact. With my current luck this issue has been an ever growing stress ball in the pit of my stomach, making me sick. 

If all goes well… I will be moving into the most amazing place, for cheaper, bigger… better… I am also convinced my life will be the most awesomest ever. 

my entire life is in

hopeless

Avenue Of Hope - I Am Kloot (“Sunshine” soundtrack)

pieces, falling

keep falling

like leaves in an autumn breeze

i’ve been bare for too long and i’ve nothing more to grow for the cold seasons to rip from the heart of me.

(not the lyrics, just personal note)